Because of my own narrative in my head, the one that says “this just can’t be…” am I sabotaging myself?

Because of my own narrative in my head, the one that says “this just can’t be…” am I sabotaging myself?

“Just a thought”

I wrote that sentence after sharing a frankly brilliant visual way for a client to describe her unique approach to what she does. Confession, this approach was so eerily accurate that I’ve spent the days since in a haze of self-doubt. Working with this client seemed almost effortless and magical. For someone who’s spent a significant portion of her career focusing on hard work and tangible results, the words “effortless” and “magical” are not in my usual vocabulary.

This wasn’t the first time this has happened. I was in Pulga, CA with 100 ladybadasses at Sarah Lacy’s Chairman Mom Flee event. The room almost exploded with surprise when I worked with a lovely musician. I uncovered and helped her describe how she uses “song to cleanse emotional plaque from the soul”. Yes, she’s THAT much of a ladybadass.

Both experiences were delightful. I’ve “Bloored” multiple people before and since. It’s always delightful.

Side note: Being “Bloored,” Robin Wolaner’s genius name for what I do, says that when you’re “Bloored”, you can no longer be boring.

But here’s the crazier thing and the reason I share these stories with you. The appearance of “magic” in my vocabulary has shifted my confidence. Now don’t worry, I’m not hiding in a corner stressing out. I’m still running around challenging people to be bold and brave in their own awesome and unique way. I’m still putting my hand at women's’ backs and saying “I have you. You’re going to be OK, but now I’m going to push.”

What I am doing in the very smallest most subtle way is adding doubt into my emails, questions into my statements. Phrases like

  • Just a thought.

  • Does this make sense?

  • Just a suggestion.

  • I think…

  • I feel…

I’ve caught myself multiple times and had to bash away at the delete button firmly. The people who want me to help them want me to have conviction, they want me to be kind AND confident. It makes me wonder how many times I haven’t caught myself.

Because of my own narrative in my head, the one that says “this just can’t be…” am I sabotaging myself? Probably, yes.

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Does this have an impact on the confidence of my clients? Yes.

Does this have an impact on my professional image and reputation? 100%

So what do you do if this happens to you? How do you catch yourself from falling back into the habit of questioning yourself?

Share your narrative.

Share it with the people you trust who see you for all the magic you are. Or, like me, you can go one step further and share it with anyone who wants to read it.

Because here’s the truth. By writing this down and knowing it will be read by you, my narrative has changed from “this just can’t be…” to “this needs to be..”. You need me to be better than that.

Just a thought. OK? 😉

I just had a conversation and we said "actually" 47 times.

I just had a conversation and we said "actually" 47 times.

A Question and a Dare

A Question and a Dare