The 3-Word Reality Check

Why This Matters

We live in a world of constant feedback, often focusing on how we can improve. But how often do we get genuine insights into what people value about our work? Asking someone directly, "How am I crushing it?" can feel awkward.

The usual question, "What am I good at?" often leads to generic responses like, "You're great at getting things done." While that's nice to hear, it doesn't reflect your true value. The silent message hidden in that statement might be "I trust you and how you approach your role," but it's not enough when you want to discover what makes you exceptional.

This exercise helps uncover the real story, how people describe you when you're not in the room.

The Process: Collecting Your 3 Words

Before you start, read through the instructions as there are tips and prompts throughout on how to make this the best experience for you and the people you’ll be talking to.

1. Choose Your Sources

• Identify 3-5 People: Colleagues, mentors, sponsors, or your manager who have seen you in action

• Include Your Manager: Their input is crucial as they significantly influence how you're perceived

• Skip Friends/Family: This is specifically a work-related exercise

2. Make "The Ask" (Preferably In Person)

While you could send an email or text, this works best face-to-face or over the phone. If you're nervous, start with someone you feel comfortable with, but challenge yourself to ask in person for the most authentic responses.

Say something like this:

"I've been challenged to ask you for 3 words to describe me. First, what are 2 positive words you would use to describe me when I'm not in the room? Then, what is one positive word you would use that does NOT describe me?"

Pro Tip: By saying, "I've been challenged to ask," you take the pressure off and make it easier for both you and the person responding.

3. Navigate the Tricky Third Word

The first two words will likely come quickly. The third word (something positive that doesn't describe you) may need guidance. They’ll likely (initially) give you a negative word. Tell you something you’re not. Nice, but not what you're looking for.

If they give you a negative word, remind them that they need to give you a positive word that does NOT describe you.

4. Collect your answers as you’ll be submitting them later.

You don’t need anything fancy. Keep them in a working document so you’ll have them when you need them. You’ll also want them for the live session you have with Joanna, so remember to bring them.

Let’s have a quick chat about the results. I’m sure you already have some thoughts.

What the Words Tell You

• The First Two Words reveal how people advocate for you when you're not there. When someone is asked to describe someone in a room you’re not in, these are their default words. Bottom line, what they’ll say about you in a room you’re not in.

• The Third Word, I’m sure you’ve noticed, reveals something much more honest about you. The person you asked probably struggled or had to think about it for a while. This often uncovers a truth about the “brand” of you.

• Reflection Questions

• Are these the words you want to be known for?

• Do they align with how you see yourself and where you want to go?

• What patterns do you notice if multiple people use similar words?

Next Steps: Submit your words

Once you've collected your words, please submit them using this link by October 10th.

Your responses are essential as we'll be using them to guide our conversations with you at the PAR Women's Summit in NYC. This is a required pre-work component for all summit participants.

Other Useful Things To Consider

Pro Tip: Consider making this a yearly exercise. You evolve, and so does the world around you. Tracking how your professional signature shifts over time can provide valuable insights into your growth and development.

What's Next? Consider sharing these insights with a trusted mentor or colleague. Use what you've learned to refine how you present yourself in projects, meetings, and discussions. This exercise isn't just about gathering data; it's about using that data to shape your future.

Embrace the Vulnerability: It's important to stay open and curious during this exercise. Receiving feedback about how others perceive you can feel vulnerable, but that vulnerability is where growth happens. Approach the results with curiosity rather than judgment. This is an opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of how you're perceived and determine if that aligns with how you want to present yourself in the world.

Remember, this is an experiment. It's okay if you feel a bit uncomfortable the first time you try it. The purpose is to learn, grow, and discover how others perceive your value. And the more you practice, the more confident you'll become.